9 Subtle Life References as Provided by Car Culture

9 because at the time of writing this I couldn’t think of a 10th.

1. A man with multiple cars is probably the closest thing to legal polygamy. The daily driver may not be the prettiest thing in the world, but it’s the one you love because it’s reliable and always there for you. The weekend car is sexy, provocative and exhilarating, but super expensive in every essence of the word. The track-only car is enthralling but you tire long before it does and its likely far beyond your abilities, and that’s just in bed.

2. Pure show cars are like fake tits, exciting, alluring and oh so ever tempting. But the love affair ends with admiring them superficially. Anything more and you realize they’re not practical and sometimes not even functional. Scary.

3. Supercars are like super hot women. They’re designed to do one thing and one thing only, but boy do they do it well. Multi-faceted specimens are few and far between. Take such anomaly Natalie Portman for example, she looks the way she does and graduated from Harvard..? Start feeling inadequate now.

4. Finding out the GTR was coming to America was like finding out the hot-girl-from-work you thought was interested actually invites anyone out to lunch, even tool-from-work-that-everyone-hates. And you thought you were special. Bummer.

5. Having excessive money is a catalyst for obtaining impressive cars, as it is for obtaining impressive women. But it’s painstakingly obvious in both cases that no amount of money can doff the neon douchebag sign from above Mr. Leeching-From-The-Parents’-Trust-Fund’s head.

6. Often times guys want cars/girls because they’re hot, not taking into account that they’re also high maintenance and, more than likely, painfully dense.

7. Boys who weren’t breastfed as infants are always self-proclaimed experts on cars. Also interchangeable with “cars” is “women.” Then again, it’s hard to find something interchangeable with “cars” which makes that statement false..

8. Putting a bodykit on an Altima is like putting a prostitute in a white dress. It changes nothing.

9. Seeing an Asian kid with an Impala or a Black guy with a Civic is as awkward surprising as seeing a Middle Eastern guy with a Black girl. I’m just saying.